I have just read half of it and I am already loving it. I am glad I subscribed your page as I have been meaning to learn more about human psychology. Thank you for sharing it with us. 😊🤝
How many things I’ve done because I either wasn’t allowed to or someone told me “you won’t do it.”
Only movie I wasn’t allowed to watch as a kid was the exorcist. Therefore, I waited until my family was asleep one night and watched it by myself. Prob around 8/9 yrs old. I still remember how scared I was walking past my sister’s bedroom as the moonlight illuminated her face on my way to bed. Just waiting on her to raise up and then make her head spin around.
Haha that's quite the mental image. It reminds me of a similar experience around 8 or 9 when my dad was watching one of the alien films, he told me it was too old for me and so of course I wanted to watch it even more. It turns out that it probably was too old for me 🤣
But using that "I'll show you" attitude has helped and hindered me in the past. "Never dare a fool" they say!
Yeah it can be a very good motivation tool. "I bet you can't do xyz." Leads to, "I bet you I can, and I won't just do xyz, I'll do the whole alphabet!”
I respond like this to challenges, it's why signing up to races has helped me in the past to maintain my fitness, but I'm finding it harder to ”trick” myself than I used to!
I thought this article would be about PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance. I have never liked being told what to do, and always wanted to do things "my way," but I don't do things simply because I am told not to, I don't think? As a child, I learned what reverse psychology was, and I prided myself in identifying it when it was used on me, and not "falling for it." I still have a "F you, I won't do what you tell me" attitude at times. I like to be my own boss, I'm just contrary, I guess! This was an interesting read, Mark. Thanks! Love, Virg
Thanks Virg, your RATM lyrics remind me of when the UK public made them Christmas #1 as a protest against manufactured "pop idol" style songs dominating the Xmas music charts and the BBC asked them to sing it live but to censor the F word.
It was absolutely perfect that they didn't and got pulled from the air. What did anyone expect!
It’s been a week since your reply and I wanted to answer but I ended up overthinking it and procrastinating. Your answer really made me think. I even thought about writing a whole post about it.
So I skimmed through your substack because I wondered how a 'successful' writer could take the time to answer to such a trivial comment. And what I saw is your consistency, the quality of your posts, and the dedication with which you interact with your readers. And I think that really shifted my mindset, as I'm just starting on substack, to aim to really connect with people, and to give. I don't think I'm vibing with your substack so I didn't subscribe, but with that simple comment, you definitely passed your vibe.
So I just wanted to let you know that even your smallest gestures can carry great significance and impact, even if you never know it. And I'm grateful for that brief connection that you made happen.
Tha is for this, I'd like to say though that I certainly don't see myself as "successful", it might be the imposter syndrome talking but I'm just a normal person, probably just like you, but 9 months on.
You mentioned consistency and I think that has a lot to do with it. I try to reply to everyone, because if they've taken the time to read and leave a comment it's the least I can do and it's what I would like if I was on the other end of it.
I've had a couple of brushes with vitality and it's very time consuming to apply that same ethos when you've got hundreds of comments to go through, but until I can't physically reply to everything, I'll do my best to maintain that. I don't know how the mega-large accounts cope with so many, it would give me anxiety to think that I was ignoring people!
Good luck on your journey and I think that if you keep that mindset of "Your Substack isn't really for me, so I didn't subscribe" then you're setting yourself up right. I subscribed to a lot of publications where I genuinely connected with the authors and wanted to support them, but their posts weren't really my cup of tea, and I just can't read everything anymore, I've had to accept that and hope that what I do manage to read is enough.
Well, I did exactly what you told me not to — read the other half. And... yep, regretted it instantly 😅
What’s funny is, in real life, when I’m already doing something and someone tells me to do it, I stop. Like, I was doing it on my own — now you had to ruin it by asking?
So no rebel arc for me. Just politely obedient and dramatically annoyed. Won’t beg you to share more of this not-so-legendary masterpiece. 😌
It just stops you in your tracks doesn't it. You do a full 180 as the suggestion, even though you might have actually been looking forward to it before hand!
Exactly! I was practically skipping toward it, then the moment someone said it out loud, boom — instant U-turn. Apparently, my rebellious streak only wakes up when it's completely unnecessary.😌
The first thing that sprung to mind was “free will”. Oh we certainly make the most of it until it comes to bite you. Your post was most enlightening. Reading this made me understand my son more. ADHD/RCD… not easy to understand.
The reason I was diagnosed (with ADHD) is because my daughter was being assessed and I recognised so many symptoms in myself. It's difficult to know how to parent and ND child, but once you understand the conditions a little bit it does make things a little bit easier.
Using the header image to make your point?! Brilliant. I started a career in marketing because I was fascinated that when most people enter a store, they go right. Our minds are wild. Can't wait to keep indulging in these anthropological adventures with you!
What’s fascinating to me is just how early our basic need for autonomy and agency shows up! When my nephew was five, he was told by his dad, “No cycling into the kitchen.” So of course, he pedalled straight into it! Mayhem ensued, and I had front-row seats.
Kids are brilliant ... because while adults often mask their reactance under sarcasm, avoidance, or defiance, children haven’t learned to hide it yet 😂
Haha it doesn't take them long does it. And there's nothing in the non-existent parental handbook about dealing with things like that. It's just trial and error all the way.
It is sad however that you can't weaponise reantance with kids either, they're too smart for that. If I told my son, "don't use the shower, the electric bill is too high." He wouldn't have one out of spite, he'd just be happy to sweat another day. But you can be sure if I suggest it's been a hot day, he might want to shower, even if he had been planning on it he'll say, I'll have one in the morning 🤷♂️
Haha I couldn't resist. I would have actually loved it if nobody did read it, it would have been so interesting to see that the whole point of the post was redundant!
Is that true the world over, about people turning right? I'm from the UK and I personally go left when I enter a store, and I remember because I've thought about this before, when I used to play computer games I'd explore from the left first.
I'm wondering if the side of the road we drive on has any bearing on this?
I have just read half of it and I am already loving it. I am glad I subscribed your page as I have been meaning to learn more about human psychology. Thank you for sharing it with us. 😊🤝
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.
Don't read the other half though, honestly 🤣
As you say, I haven't read it till here "But I absolutely forbid you from subscribing for more psychological explorations like this one." 🤝🫡
How many things I’ve done because I either wasn’t allowed to or someone told me “you won’t do it.”
Only movie I wasn’t allowed to watch as a kid was the exorcist. Therefore, I waited until my family was asleep one night and watched it by myself. Prob around 8/9 yrs old. I still remember how scared I was walking past my sister’s bedroom as the moonlight illuminated her face on my way to bed. Just waiting on her to raise up and then make her head spin around.
Haha that's quite the mental image. It reminds me of a similar experience around 8 or 9 when my dad was watching one of the alien films, he told me it was too old for me and so of course I wanted to watch it even more. It turns out that it probably was too old for me 🤣
But using that "I'll show you" attitude has helped and hindered me in the past. "Never dare a fool" they say!
For some it's like the ultimate motivation. "Oh yeah? Well I'll show you, you...!"
It would be neat if there was a way to incorporate that into our lives, hopefully alongside the more positive support.
Yeah it can be a very good motivation tool. "I bet you can't do xyz." Leads to, "I bet you I can, and I won't just do xyz, I'll do the whole alphabet!”
I respond like this to challenges, it's why signing up to races has helped me in the past to maintain my fitness, but I'm finding it harder to ”trick” myself than I used to!
Those are the kind of people I love having around me. Challenging you to be your best while supporting you either way
I thought this article would be about PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance. I have never liked being told what to do, and always wanted to do things "my way," but I don't do things simply because I am told not to, I don't think? As a child, I learned what reverse psychology was, and I prided myself in identifying it when it was used on me, and not "falling for it." I still have a "F you, I won't do what you tell me" attitude at times. I like to be my own boss, I'm just contrary, I guess! This was an interesting read, Mark. Thanks! Love, Virg
Thanks Virg, your RATM lyrics remind me of when the UK public made them Christmas #1 as a protest against manufactured "pop idol" style songs dominating the Xmas music charts and the BBC asked them to sing it live but to censor the F word.
It was absolutely perfect that they didn't and got pulled from the air. What did anyone expect!
PDA to the extreme!
I didn't read it. I am a rebel.
Well thanks for commenting anyway you rebel! 😄
It’s been a week since your reply and I wanted to answer but I ended up overthinking it and procrastinating. Your answer really made me think. I even thought about writing a whole post about it.
So I skimmed through your substack because I wondered how a 'successful' writer could take the time to answer to such a trivial comment. And what I saw is your consistency, the quality of your posts, and the dedication with which you interact with your readers. And I think that really shifted my mindset, as I'm just starting on substack, to aim to really connect with people, and to give. I don't think I'm vibing with your substack so I didn't subscribe, but with that simple comment, you definitely passed your vibe.
So I just wanted to let you know that even your smallest gestures can carry great significance and impact, even if you never know it. And I'm grateful for that brief connection that you made happen.
Tha is for this, I'd like to say though that I certainly don't see myself as "successful", it might be the imposter syndrome talking but I'm just a normal person, probably just like you, but 9 months on.
You mentioned consistency and I think that has a lot to do with it. I try to reply to everyone, because if they've taken the time to read and leave a comment it's the least I can do and it's what I would like if I was on the other end of it.
I've had a couple of brushes with vitality and it's very time consuming to apply that same ethos when you've got hundreds of comments to go through, but until I can't physically reply to everything, I'll do my best to maintain that. I don't know how the mega-large accounts cope with so many, it would give me anxiety to think that I was ignoring people!
Good luck on your journey and I think that if you keep that mindset of "Your Substack isn't really for me, so I didn't subscribe" then you're setting yourself up right. I subscribed to a lot of publications where I genuinely connected with the authors and wanted to support them, but their posts weren't really my cup of tea, and I just can't read everything anymore, I've had to accept that and hope that what I do manage to read is enough.
Well, I did exactly what you told me not to — read the other half. And... yep, regretted it instantly 😅
What’s funny is, in real life, when I’m already doing something and someone tells me to do it, I stop. Like, I was doing it on my own — now you had to ruin it by asking?
So no rebel arc for me. Just politely obedient and dramatically annoyed. Won’t beg you to share more of this not-so-legendary masterpiece. 😌
It just stops you in your tracks doesn't it. You do a full 180 as the suggestion, even though you might have actually been looking forward to it before hand!
Exactly! I was practically skipping toward it, then the moment someone said it out loud, boom — instant U-turn. Apparently, my rebellious streak only wakes up when it's completely unnecessary.😌
Haha if only you could harness it!
The first thing that sprung to mind was “free will”. Oh we certainly make the most of it until it comes to bite you. Your post was most enlightening. Reading this made me understand my son more. ADHD/RCD… not easy to understand.
The reason I was diagnosed (with ADHD) is because my daughter was being assessed and I recognised so many symptoms in myself. It's difficult to know how to parent and ND child, but once you understand the conditions a little bit it does make things a little bit easier.
Forbidden fruit...you have to eat it. :)
Using the header image to make your point?! Brilliant. I started a career in marketing because I was fascinated that when most people enter a store, they go right. Our minds are wild. Can't wait to keep indulging in these anthropological adventures with you!
It's funny because I realized what the title was trying to do, and attempted to resist the pull only to cave within seconds.
I was trying to work out if I had seen someone else's post with this title, what I'd have done. I'd have read it too!
What’s fascinating to me is just how early our basic need for autonomy and agency shows up! When my nephew was five, he was told by his dad, “No cycling into the kitchen.” So of course, he pedalled straight into it! Mayhem ensued, and I had front-row seats.
Kids are brilliant ... because while adults often mask their reactance under sarcasm, avoidance, or defiance, children haven’t learned to hide it yet 😂
Haha it doesn't take them long does it. And there's nothing in the non-existent parental handbook about dealing with things like that. It's just trial and error all the way.
It is sad however that you can't weaponise reantance with kids either, they're too smart for that. If I told my son, "don't use the shower, the electric bill is too high." He wouldn't have one out of spite, he'd just be happy to sweat another day. But you can be sure if I suggest it's been a hot day, he might want to shower, even if he had been planning on it he'll say, I'll have one in the morning 🤷♂️
Oh well ... I have so much respect for parents, Mark. My role is SO easy: the cool aunt!
Haha yes, it's great when you can just do the fun stuff and hand them back over 🤣
Haha I couldn't resist. I would have actually loved it if nobody did read it, it would have been so interesting to see that the whole point of the post was redundant!
Is that true the world over, about people turning right? I'm from the UK and I personally go left when I enter a store, and I remember because I've thought about this before, when I used to play computer games I'd explore from the left first.
I'm wondering if the side of the road we drive on has any bearing on this?