Thank you so much Mark for sharing your story and letting others know that being diagnosed with ADHD is not a weakness 🥺🙏🏻 Did you ever feel scared about getting diagnosed? I can't help but think of how in our country, there's still some stigma around neurodivergence and mental health conditions and that's why a lot of people experiencing these symptoms hesitate to seek help :'( Thankfully, in the recent years, the general public are now becoming more aware of this topic and more people are helping to break this stigma.
Thank you for sharing your journey and being part of this conversation 🙏🏻
Thanks for reading Alea, I didn't feel scared about finding out but I was really nervous about the assessment, I thought I would forget all of my symptoms and just go blank. Thankfully I didn't.
I'm actually really proud of myself for going through with the assessment, it would have been so easy to just carry on, but I had to know, it's been like a thorn in my side for a year and now I know it's there I feel like I can finally pull it out.
And I can also hopefully do a lot to help others going through the same thing.
There's definitely still a stigma to it, because people don't understand it until they've had some experience of it, either themselves or someone they know. I think it will get better over time.
I'm happy that you felt a sense of relief and validation after finally being able to put a label to what you're experiencing 🙏🏻 I like your analogy of your mind speaking a different language and finally being able to translate it 🤍 Being different doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. Having that label and vocabulary not only helps us make sense of what we're experiencing but also helps us connect with other people who can relate with us or help us :) ✨
Your words are so powerful, and I’m so grateful you shared this. I resonate deeply with this topic and see so many of the traits you describe in myself. However, I think one key difference for me is that, at least for now, I don’t feel the need for medication to manage it. That’s entirely a privilege, and I think it stems from two main factors: I don’t have kids, and I don’t have a typical job. Desk jobs are so incompatible with the way my brain works that I’ve actively avoided them. Instead, I juggle creative projects, and because my husband takes on the more traditional, “boring” job (bless him), I have the freedom to structure my life this way. Again, I recognize how much of a privilege this is.
I also think a lot about the societal rules we’ve been taught to follow. Over the years, I’ve worked to step outside those constraints, and I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this topic (so bear with me, haha). I understand that everyone’s symptoms exist on a spectrum and that circumstances dictate how much we need to manage or suppress certain traits. But for me, I believe it should be okay to be “restless,” “disorganized,” or even so excited that you interject sometimes. Of course, I’ve experienced times when these traits have felt overwhelming or disruptive, whether in my own life or in others’—especially when they impact jobs or relationships. But I keep coming back to how much we’re conditioned to “sit still,” “be quiet,” and even “breathe correctly.” That kind of rigidity feels like it traps energy, which can lead to overstimulation in some people more than others. I often find myself questioning what society deems “acceptable.” Clearly, this is a topic I need to write about in more depth someday! This is not to say I disagree with anything you said, but rather meant to validate even more your feelings that some brains will have a harder time growing up in such a rigid environment.
Your connection to nicotine was fascinating, too. I think there’s a lot to be said for how it aids in self-soothing, not just chemically but physically. Even though you used patches, the process of deep breathing—even with smoke—serves as a calming mechanism. The oral fixation also seems like it could help ground you, providing a sense of comfort. At least that was my experience (started at 15 too and still need to get this grounding sensation through deep breathing, three beverages at once, and an herbal cig (not weed but like actual herbs haha) from time to time).
That moment of validation—of finally understanding yourself in a way that makes everything click—is such a profound shift. I love how you described it as getting the instruction manual, even if it’s in another language. That feels so accurate: it’s not a solution, but it’s a starting point for deeper self-acceptance. The metaphor of the undiagnosed stress fracture is incredibly poignant. It’s not about making excuses—it’s about finally seeing the full picture and giving yourself the compassion and support you need. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and thought-provoking reflection.
If medication doesn't take for me, then I've lost nothing, but if it does and I can quiet some of the noise, especially at work that will be a major win for me. I'll try anything to see if it works. Certain things I can manage without meds, I've done that with the systems I've created for myself over the past 40 years, but it does affect my life negatively, I have had to work harder than some, so why not try to make things a bit easier.
I think you should definitely write your own post and mention those societal rules in it, I've read a lot of accounts of peoples lives with ADHD recently, to try and learn more about the drugs and potential side effects, and it's comforting to find how similar and different their lives are to mine. Sometimes I find myself telling my son to stop humming or fidgeting and then I realise how hypocritical that is. But it is ingrained and in a lot of cases it's unhelpful. My daughters ex-secondary school are very strict with rules and "fiddling" with things such as stationary, bluetack etc. The kids get warnings, leading to detentions for something they can't control. It's infuriating.
I use the pouches that you put between your lip and gums for nicotine. I try to go as long as possible without them but I know I need to pop one in before driving and I'll use them at work and when I want to concentrate too, it's basically like medicine and I can feel when I need it. It's still possibly partial addiction that makes me feel that need, but when I am not at work and I don't have to drive all day, I've gone a few days in a row and the withdrawal isn't anywhere near what it was with smoking or vaping because I don't need to have something in my hand anymore.
I've tried breathwork on my own and with my kids, using a heart rate monitor to see how it helps with calming, I think it's often dismissed as "woo woo", is there a better word for that? "New age?"
Three beverages at once? Like a tea for your starter, a coffee for your main and an iced honey and lemon chaser for dessert?
Thanks for reading Cole and for taking so much time to write such a long and thoughtful comment, it's almost long enough to be a post on its own!
It was SO long haha so I will keep this short and say I am glad you have the knowledge to put more tools in your toolkit. And that that is definitely what someone has told me is interesting about having kids- you get to notice the reactions your parents had to something similar you did/what you have to correct within yourself at times.
And yes, it’s crazy how something so biological and proven is seen as woo haha, they’re both good terms for the same thing. Our society definitely approves of logical thinking and sees our body as these vehicles that should do as their told, when really the body has so much wisdom, needs to move how it wants to, and is how we can access freedom from a lot of our modern constraints. Okay, getting long again and that’s yet another post 😂 I’m sure I’ll read how the meds and anything else you try helps! Cheers!
Condfidence is not only showing pride in your strengths, but also accepting your vulnerabilities with compassion. This story was the perfect example. I can relate very much to the idea of putting a label, not exactly like your story, but when I go through medical tests and results come negative, it gives me a last sigh of relief. Understanding the problem is the first step to reaching its solution.
Hi Mark. In a similar way to yourself it was when helping my son that we realised that there was ADHD in our family. I am 52 and it was such a relief to be able to understand why I am the way I am. I was misdiagnosed with several mental health conditions throughout my life, and have taken some pretty harsh medication in the process.
I look forward to navigating life with ADHD with you 😊🙏🏽😊
Thanks for reading Jay. I'm sorry that you were misdiagnosed in the process, I hope that's all rectified now. I think if you're being treated for the wrong thing, that's when it's even more important to know for sure as things can be made worse.
I hope you're on the right path now and you have some of the same clarity I do.
I respect that you’re so open with your personal story. I’m sure many can definitely resonate with this. I’ve went through the process of getting a diagnosis, but with weeks in between responses from my doctor it dragged out for over a year. In denial, I convinced myself this was for the better and haven’t revisited this in years. I think it might be time to pay the doctor a visit again. Great job on being a great dad!
Thank you Richard. It does take so long and ironically one of the things people with ADHD have an issue with is patience. Do what's right for you, if your life won't change you might be happy as you are, but if knowing takes the weight of your shoulders, even a little bit, it might be worth re-exploring a diagnosis. Thanks for reading.
This is such an important share Mark. You have written so openly and honestly about this I’m sure that there are many readers who will find you description of this process helpful. I hope it brings you what you need. So interesting again so see how it isn’t until we see ourselves in our kids that we are able to get a different knowledge of ourselves. It’s immensely gratifying and a privilege. Your writing is straight and raw! Brilliant stuff. Keep it coming.
Thank you so much Mark for sharing your story and letting others know that being diagnosed with ADHD is not a weakness 🥺🙏🏻 Did you ever feel scared about getting diagnosed? I can't help but think of how in our country, there's still some stigma around neurodivergence and mental health conditions and that's why a lot of people experiencing these symptoms hesitate to seek help :'( Thankfully, in the recent years, the general public are now becoming more aware of this topic and more people are helping to break this stigma.
Thank you for sharing your journey and being part of this conversation 🙏🏻
Thanks for reading Alea, I didn't feel scared about finding out but I was really nervous about the assessment, I thought I would forget all of my symptoms and just go blank. Thankfully I didn't.
I'm actually really proud of myself for going through with the assessment, it would have been so easy to just carry on, but I had to know, it's been like a thorn in my side for a year and now I know it's there I feel like I can finally pull it out.
And I can also hopefully do a lot to help others going through the same thing.
There's definitely still a stigma to it, because people don't understand it until they've had some experience of it, either themselves or someone they know. I think it will get better over time.
I'm happy that you felt a sense of relief and validation after finally being able to put a label to what you're experiencing 🙏🏻 I like your analogy of your mind speaking a different language and finally being able to translate it 🤍 Being different doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. Having that label and vocabulary not only helps us make sense of what we're experiencing but also helps us connect with other people who can relate with us or help us :) ✨
It will take a while to translate the manual but now I know what I’m dealing with!
Your words are so powerful, and I’m so grateful you shared this. I resonate deeply with this topic and see so many of the traits you describe in myself. However, I think one key difference for me is that, at least for now, I don’t feel the need for medication to manage it. That’s entirely a privilege, and I think it stems from two main factors: I don’t have kids, and I don’t have a typical job. Desk jobs are so incompatible with the way my brain works that I’ve actively avoided them. Instead, I juggle creative projects, and because my husband takes on the more traditional, “boring” job (bless him), I have the freedom to structure my life this way. Again, I recognize how much of a privilege this is.
I also think a lot about the societal rules we’ve been taught to follow. Over the years, I’ve worked to step outside those constraints, and I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this topic (so bear with me, haha). I understand that everyone’s symptoms exist on a spectrum and that circumstances dictate how much we need to manage or suppress certain traits. But for me, I believe it should be okay to be “restless,” “disorganized,” or even so excited that you interject sometimes. Of course, I’ve experienced times when these traits have felt overwhelming or disruptive, whether in my own life or in others’—especially when they impact jobs or relationships. But I keep coming back to how much we’re conditioned to “sit still,” “be quiet,” and even “breathe correctly.” That kind of rigidity feels like it traps energy, which can lead to overstimulation in some people more than others. I often find myself questioning what society deems “acceptable.” Clearly, this is a topic I need to write about in more depth someday! This is not to say I disagree with anything you said, but rather meant to validate even more your feelings that some brains will have a harder time growing up in such a rigid environment.
Your connection to nicotine was fascinating, too. I think there’s a lot to be said for how it aids in self-soothing, not just chemically but physically. Even though you used patches, the process of deep breathing—even with smoke—serves as a calming mechanism. The oral fixation also seems like it could help ground you, providing a sense of comfort. At least that was my experience (started at 15 too and still need to get this grounding sensation through deep breathing, three beverages at once, and an herbal cig (not weed but like actual herbs haha) from time to time).
That moment of validation—of finally understanding yourself in a way that makes everything click—is such a profound shift. I love how you described it as getting the instruction manual, even if it’s in another language. That feels so accurate: it’s not a solution, but it’s a starting point for deeper self-acceptance. The metaphor of the undiagnosed stress fracture is incredibly poignant. It’s not about making excuses—it’s about finally seeing the full picture and giving yourself the compassion and support you need. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and thought-provoking reflection.
If medication doesn't take for me, then I've lost nothing, but if it does and I can quiet some of the noise, especially at work that will be a major win for me. I'll try anything to see if it works. Certain things I can manage without meds, I've done that with the systems I've created for myself over the past 40 years, but it does affect my life negatively, I have had to work harder than some, so why not try to make things a bit easier.
I think you should definitely write your own post and mention those societal rules in it, I've read a lot of accounts of peoples lives with ADHD recently, to try and learn more about the drugs and potential side effects, and it's comforting to find how similar and different their lives are to mine. Sometimes I find myself telling my son to stop humming or fidgeting and then I realise how hypocritical that is. But it is ingrained and in a lot of cases it's unhelpful. My daughters ex-secondary school are very strict with rules and "fiddling" with things such as stationary, bluetack etc. The kids get warnings, leading to detentions for something they can't control. It's infuriating.
I use the pouches that you put between your lip and gums for nicotine. I try to go as long as possible without them but I know I need to pop one in before driving and I'll use them at work and when I want to concentrate too, it's basically like medicine and I can feel when I need it. It's still possibly partial addiction that makes me feel that need, but when I am not at work and I don't have to drive all day, I've gone a few days in a row and the withdrawal isn't anywhere near what it was with smoking or vaping because I don't need to have something in my hand anymore.
I've tried breathwork on my own and with my kids, using a heart rate monitor to see how it helps with calming, I think it's often dismissed as "woo woo", is there a better word for that? "New age?"
Three beverages at once? Like a tea for your starter, a coffee for your main and an iced honey and lemon chaser for dessert?
Thanks for reading Cole and for taking so much time to write such a long and thoughtful comment, it's almost long enough to be a post on its own!
It was SO long haha so I will keep this short and say I am glad you have the knowledge to put more tools in your toolkit. And that that is definitely what someone has told me is interesting about having kids- you get to notice the reactions your parents had to something similar you did/what you have to correct within yourself at times.
And yes, it’s crazy how something so biological and proven is seen as woo haha, they’re both good terms for the same thing. Our society definitely approves of logical thinking and sees our body as these vehicles that should do as their told, when really the body has so much wisdom, needs to move how it wants to, and is how we can access freedom from a lot of our modern constraints. Okay, getting long again and that’s yet another post 😂 I’m sure I’ll read how the meds and anything else you try helps! Cheers!
I'm sure I'll end up writing about it!
I'm seeing more of my parents in myself as time goes on, its scary!
The toolkit approach is helping when I remember. It's like spending all day using a spanner to tighten a nut because I forgot I own a spanner 🤷♂️
Condfidence is not only showing pride in your strengths, but also accepting your vulnerabilities with compassion. This story was the perfect example. I can relate very much to the idea of putting a label, not exactly like your story, but when I go through medical tests and results come negative, it gives me a last sigh of relief. Understanding the problem is the first step to reaching its solution.
Yes understanding is definitely the first step.
Hi Mark. In a similar way to yourself it was when helping my son that we realised that there was ADHD in our family. I am 52 and it was such a relief to be able to understand why I am the way I am. I was misdiagnosed with several mental health conditions throughout my life, and have taken some pretty harsh medication in the process.
I look forward to navigating life with ADHD with you 😊🙏🏽😊
Thanks for reading Jay. I'm sorry that you were misdiagnosed in the process, I hope that's all rectified now. I think if you're being treated for the wrong thing, that's when it's even more important to know for sure as things can be made worse.
I hope you're on the right path now and you have some of the same clarity I do.
I respect that you’re so open with your personal story. I’m sure many can definitely resonate with this. I’ve went through the process of getting a diagnosis, but with weeks in between responses from my doctor it dragged out for over a year. In denial, I convinced myself this was for the better and haven’t revisited this in years. I think it might be time to pay the doctor a visit again. Great job on being a great dad!
I hit back expecting to go to my feed, but ended up on another post that led me here. Twice at that haha
Thank you Richard. It does take so long and ironically one of the things people with ADHD have an issue with is patience. Do what's right for you, if your life won't change you might be happy as you are, but if knowing takes the weight of your shoulders, even a little bit, it might be worth re-exploring a diagnosis. Thanks for reading.
This is such an important share Mark. You have written so openly and honestly about this I’m sure that there are many readers who will find you description of this process helpful. I hope it brings you what you need. So interesting again so see how it isn’t until we see ourselves in our kids that we are able to get a different knowledge of ourselves. It’s immensely gratifying and a privilege. Your writing is straight and raw! Brilliant stuff. Keep it coming.
Thanks Louise, it's very much like looking in a mirror sometimes isn't it.
I hope it's helpful, I had no idea what to expect other than a long wait so I thought it was worth recording. Thanks for reading.
🫶