Now, being autistic, I'm very familiar with the idea of masking (in this case, it's hiding away certain traits that a neuronormative person would find either undesirable or inappropriate given the setting). This I can do for a while, but it is tiring.
In a post of mine I did say something to the lines of "you can assume that the stuff I am typing is the unmasked version of my thoughts". This is largely due to the fact that I have time to think; people aren't interrupting my train of thoughts to the point where I have to rush just to get my two cents in before someone else hops over me, and that for the most part I'm in my room typing these things so I have all my senses regulated.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Dylan.
That all makes total sense, and it’s something I wish I had managed to include really. Especially as I’ve got ADHD and realised that some of my actions over the years were masking symptoms. It really should have been more obvious to me, so thank you for pointing it out.
My daughter is being assessed for AuDHD and it’s massively complicated by the masking that she does in settings other than home. When under assessment she acts to observers as though she is “neurotypical” but then when it’s all over it’s exhausted her and she boils over.
I had initially wanted to work something in about covid too, but it got too long, so maybe I have enough for a special Neurodiverse version '🤔 I think the comments and notes other people write are so helpful to me, I find inspiration everywhere, there’s just not enough time to write everything!
Trust is the antidote, YES! So many people lack self trust, my self at one point. Having it is like having a solid foundation of confidence and way less worry about what you appear as. Instead you know yourself enough to know the real you behind any mask. I also love how you talk about the mask for each occasion, sometimes it’s necessary to have a mask, or rather, perhaps it’s tuning into a part of you- the wise self, the fun self, the professional self.
This is great Mark. Sticking with your analogy I think it could be said that with the "wearing different hats" approach, I can still see your face and see who you are. Even if your job or task at hand is determined by the hat. whereas when someone is masked it feels impersonal and disconnected. It's the difference between "Amy at the front desk was so helpful" to "I got what I needed at the front desk". One focuses on the person offering the resource, the other focuses on the resource.
As the task or occupation becomes heavier the hat falls down to become a mask. Where I can no longer see the real person behind. I takes a stronger character to resist that weight and let their authentic self come through.
That’s a really good way of looking at it, I like it a lot. What a well thought out perspective. It’s things like this that make me feel like I’m back at school, discussing the exam with friends after it’s over and someone always says something that makes you want to go back in and change your answers on the exam sheet🤣
Thanks for reading Robbie and for sharing your view.
This is a great reminder about the importance of authenticity. I'm a big believer in "radical self-acceptance" as a way of boosting confidence and self-esteem. When you strip away the facade, you have to see yourself as you truly are. Being authentic to yourself as well as others means accepting that out of everyone you know, each person sees you through their unique lens, and you can't control how you are viewed. That pretty much renders masks invalid. You can only be true to yourself. In writing as in life. Thank you! Love, Virg.
Thanks Virg. That's a really interesting perspective, being true to yourself is easier said than done if you've had on the masks so long you're not sure who your true self is. I think writing brings it out of you, especially if you're writing just for yourself with no pressure to sound a certain way.
It's funny you would zoom in on the customer service mask. My very first job was a customer service officer, I was young and totally clueless back then. One day, a very angry customer came and pointed his finger right at me and shouted about how bad the service was (not me, but the telco company I was working for). I managed to keep my cool mask on and didnt react much and trying my hardest to solve his issue. Luckily my co-worker beside me also chatted with the customer and defused the situation. Eventually the customer went away somewhat appeased.
I think from then onwards, I always have a cool mask on, regardless of how intense a situation is, always keep calm first.
Love this article. I feel like I'm the most myself when I write. I have time to think, I can be the sweary and creative person I already am but find harder to show verbally.
haha, I actually laughed out loud and my 10 year old asked me what was funny. I panicked and told him it was a funny cat video, he asked to see, so I quickly googled “funny cat videos” and luckily he was satisfied with the first result.
This is such a crucial observation, Mark: "Living authentically isn’t about tearing down every facade or pushing deep conversations onto those who aren’t ready for them."
It brought back a memory from my teenage years. I once told my dad, "I want to be able to speak my mind whenever I wish." His reply? "Good luck with that!" At the time, I thought authenticity came at a great cost, perhaps greater than it actually is. As I matured, I realised that in my attempt to be true to myself, I was often imposing my views and beliefs on others without meaning to.
Now, I like to think I’ve come to grips with balancing authenticity and respecting the space of others :)
haha such a “Dad” response. Life’s one big balancing act, but the thing about having “deep” conversations with people who might not be ready for them, as opposed to shallow ones, is that I think maybe some of those people would probably like to wade into deeper water, they just have ingrained mental blocks on what is considered “normal” conversation.
So that requires a bit of nuance to discover this, or alcohol, that would probably work too 🤷
Very interesting article!
Now, being autistic, I'm very familiar with the idea of masking (in this case, it's hiding away certain traits that a neuronormative person would find either undesirable or inappropriate given the setting). This I can do for a while, but it is tiring.
In a post of mine I did say something to the lines of "you can assume that the stuff I am typing is the unmasked version of my thoughts". This is largely due to the fact that I have time to think; people aren't interrupting my train of thoughts to the point where I have to rush just to get my two cents in before someone else hops over me, and that for the most part I'm in my room typing these things so I have all my senses regulated.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Dylan.
That all makes total sense, and it’s something I wish I had managed to include really. Especially as I’ve got ADHD and realised that some of my actions over the years were masking symptoms. It really should have been more obvious to me, so thank you for pointing it out.
My daughter is being assessed for AuDHD and it’s massively complicated by the masking that she does in settings other than home. When under assessment she acts to observers as though she is “neurotypical” but then when it’s all over it’s exhausted her and she boils over.
I had initially wanted to work something in about covid too, but it got too long, so maybe I have enough for a special Neurodiverse version '🤔 I think the comments and notes other people write are so helpful to me, I find inspiration everywhere, there’s just not enough time to write everything!
Trust is the antidote, YES! So many people lack self trust, my self at one point. Having it is like having a solid foundation of confidence and way less worry about what you appear as. Instead you know yourself enough to know the real you behind any mask. I also love how you talk about the mask for each occasion, sometimes it’s necessary to have a mask, or rather, perhaps it’s tuning into a part of you- the wise self, the fun self, the professional self.
Knowing your real self is half the battle sometimes though. Sometimes you wear so many masks the real you is buried deep!
100%%%%
This is why I love writing. ✍️
💯
This is great Mark. Sticking with your analogy I think it could be said that with the "wearing different hats" approach, I can still see your face and see who you are. Even if your job or task at hand is determined by the hat. whereas when someone is masked it feels impersonal and disconnected. It's the difference between "Amy at the front desk was so helpful" to "I got what I needed at the front desk". One focuses on the person offering the resource, the other focuses on the resource.
As the task or occupation becomes heavier the hat falls down to become a mask. Where I can no longer see the real person behind. I takes a stronger character to resist that weight and let their authentic self come through.
That’s a really good way of looking at it, I like it a lot. What a well thought out perspective. It’s things like this that make me feel like I’m back at school, discussing the exam with friends after it’s over and someone always says something that makes you want to go back in and change your answers on the exam sheet🤣
Thanks for reading Robbie and for sharing your view.
Thanks for writing Mark. I'm really enjoying your work.
Appreciated Robbie 👍
Hi Mark,
This is a great reminder about the importance of authenticity. I'm a big believer in "radical self-acceptance" as a way of boosting confidence and self-esteem. When you strip away the facade, you have to see yourself as you truly are. Being authentic to yourself as well as others means accepting that out of everyone you know, each person sees you through their unique lens, and you can't control how you are viewed. That pretty much renders masks invalid. You can only be true to yourself. In writing as in life. Thank you! Love, Virg.
Thanks Virg. That's a really interesting perspective, being true to yourself is easier said than done if you've had on the masks so long you're not sure who your true self is. I think writing brings it out of you, especially if you're writing just for yourself with no pressure to sound a certain way.
Thanks for reading.
I can deeply relate to this, thanks for sharing, Mark.
Beautifully written as well.
Thank you Adrian, I appreciate that, thanks for reading.
It's funny you would zoom in on the customer service mask. My very first job was a customer service officer, I was young and totally clueless back then. One day, a very angry customer came and pointed his finger right at me and shouted about how bad the service was (not me, but the telco company I was working for). I managed to keep my cool mask on and didnt react much and trying my hardest to solve his issue. Luckily my co-worker beside me also chatted with the customer and defused the situation. Eventually the customer went away somewhat appeased.
I think from then onwards, I always have a cool mask on, regardless of how intense a situation is, always keep calm first.
They teach you a hell of a lot don't they. Cool heads prevail! Some never learn that lesson though and anger prevails!
Love this article. I feel like I'm the most myself when I write. I have time to think, I can be the sweary and creative person I already am but find harder to show verbally.
Haha thanks Maggie, I love your style so I'm glad you can be mucky mouthed self without refrain 🤣
That's such a lovely fucking thing to say, thanks ❤️
haha, I actually laughed out loud and my 10 year old asked me what was funny. I panicked and told him it was a funny cat video, he asked to see, so I quickly googled “funny cat videos” and luckily he was satisfied with the first result.
Hahaha I love that 😂
This is such a crucial observation, Mark: "Living authentically isn’t about tearing down every facade or pushing deep conversations onto those who aren’t ready for them."
It brought back a memory from my teenage years. I once told my dad, "I want to be able to speak my mind whenever I wish." His reply? "Good luck with that!" At the time, I thought authenticity came at a great cost, perhaps greater than it actually is. As I matured, I realised that in my attempt to be true to myself, I was often imposing my views and beliefs on others without meaning to.
Now, I like to think I’ve come to grips with balancing authenticity and respecting the space of others :)
haha such a “Dad” response. Life’s one big balancing act, but the thing about having “deep” conversations with people who might not be ready for them, as opposed to shallow ones, is that I think maybe some of those people would probably like to wade into deeper water, they just have ingrained mental blocks on what is considered “normal” conversation.
So that requires a bit of nuance to discover this, or alcohol, that would probably work too 🤷
I'll have to go for nuance as I'm also teetotal :)
This is a very thought provoking article - interesting indeed!
Thanks Mags 😊