Shedding the Mask: Embracing Authenticity Through Trust
Why Being True to Yourself Matters More Than Acceptance
I first started writing this post in early December 2024 after seeing a note online with this quote:
It struck a chord at the time and I wrote the following reply:
I wear many masks in my life.
At work, I’m the calm professional, dependable and composed under pressure, at least on the outside.
At home with my children, I’m the loving parent, patient and kind, most of the time.
With my partner, I’m the supportive shoulder, strong and steady, like a rock!
Around my mates, I’m the joker and always ready with a laugh, even though I'm teetotal. (I never understood why it's called that?)
Even now, as I write this, I can feel another mask in place, a carefully curated voice, shaped to resonate, connect and matter. This mask though is designed to be as authentic as possible.
What Is a Mask?
In this context, a mask isn’t something physical like what you might wear at Halloween or to a costume party. Instead, it’s a metaphorical concept: a persona or role we adopt in different situations to fit the expectations of those around us.
You might also think of it as a “hat” or persona you wear for a particular role. For example:
A “customer service hat” you put on during a shift, ensuring you’re polite and professional even when it’s not how you feel.
A “parenting hat” that allows you to stay patient and nurturing, even if you’re tired or frustrated.
The "Grandma persona" that you slip back into like when you were a child, who wouldn't dare use swear words or you would get your mouth rinsed out with dish soap.
Others might call it a facade or just an adapted version of themselves. Regardless of the term, the mask is a way to adjust how you present yourself to meet the demands of the moment you're in and the audience you're facing.
The Weight of the Mask
Wearing masks is a natural part of life. They help us navigate the different roles we play and the expectations placed upon us. But over time, they become heavy. The effort to maintain these personas creates a distance not only from others but from our true selves.
Why do we hide? Often, it’s based in fear. Fear of judgement, rejection, or not being enough, fear of the unknown or even the fear of success. But this facade comes at a cost. It prevents us from forming genuine connections, trapping us in shallow interactions where everyone reflects what they think the other wants to see, rather than who they truly are.
It’s a bit like living in an emperor’s new clothes scenario: we can all see the masks, the pretence, the emptiness, but no one wants to mention it. So, we keep up appearances, afraid to let our truths spill over.
But what if we didn’t? What if we found spaces where the masks could slip, even just a little?
Trust as the Antidote
The key to shedding the mask is trust, trusting yourself, and trusting those around you. It starts in small, safe spaces with people who care about you. These are the relationships where vulnerability isn’t met with judgement but understanding.
When you dare to reveal even a glimpse of your true self, it’s liberating. The more you let your authentic self breathe, the lighter you feel. Over time, the mask becomes less necessary, and you start to live a life aligned with who you truly are.
Writing: Where the Mask Comes Off
As I was browsing notes recently, I came across a question asked by
.I replied to her note, but then it made me think of this post about masks and I revived it from the drafts graveyard it was sitting in.
Writing ≠ Talking
Writing isn’t the same as speaking. It’s slower, more deliberate. When you talk, you often react to the moment, influenced by context, emotions, and the people around you. Writing, on the other hand, lets you think deeply, giving you time to pull apart your ideas and put them back together to present them in a way that reflects what’s true for you.
But just because you don’t casually bring up certain topics in everyday conversation doesn’t mean they’re not part of who you are. Writing creates a space where complexity and nuance can thrive, where you can explore parts of yourself that don’t always have a voice in real life.
Writing offers a unique freedom. Unlike real life conversations, where depth often feels out of place, writing allows you to explore thoughts and feelings that wouldn’t fit into a casual chat.
Nobody knows me here, and that disassociation from real life feels liberating. Writing becomes a space where I can take the mask off, where I can reflect on what matters without the fear of awkward silences, smirks or side eyes. If that’s not authenticity, I’m not sure what is.
Authenticity ≠ Total Transparency
Here’s a litmus test for authenticity: Are you writing or living from a place of honesty, or are you crafting a persona to please, impress, or conform? Writing from your truth, even if it’s a truth you’d never say out loud, isn’t inauthentic. It’s a reflection of your depth, your inner life, and the richness of your experiences.
However, when your writing strays into territory you don’t truly believe in, that’s when it starts to feel forced, hollow, or even dishonest. Authenticity isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment, ensuring that what you express resonates with who you are.
Living Unmasked
Imagine stepping into a world where you no longer need to hide, where your quirks and flaws are embraced rather than concealed. It doesn’t happen overnight, but with each act of openness, you build the strength required to take it off.
When you show up as your true self, you invite others to do the same. Authenticity is contagious, and through this collective unmasking, we can create a more compassionate, connected world.
Everyone else has their own masks too, carefully chosen for each occasion. So, is being the same authentic person all the time the key to success, or could it sometimes be a barrier to it?
In my job (which I’ll be intentionally vague about), I interact with members of the public, customers, clients, strangers, whatever you want to call people who want or need something from you. These are people I don’t know, and they don’t know me. In that situation, is it appropriate to just be yourself? To have no barriers, no walls, and wear your heart on your sleeve?
I don’t know the answer, not for sure. But I think that in these circumstances, wearing an appropriate mask isn’t just acceptable, it’s healthy and expected by all parties.
Think about putting on your “customer service mask” for a shift behind a counter. It might be the only way to survive an endless stream of complaints.
Years ago, when I worked in a bar, it was clear that job required a particular type of personality. If you didn’t have it naturally, you had to fake it. That job taught me a lot about life.
It’s not just work, either. There are countless scenarios where masks are necessary. Have you ever bought a house or a car? Those situations demand a certain kind of persona. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself nodding along, agreeing to things you don’t want, and walking away with a financial commitment you never intended to make.
Masks, then, can be a tool, not always a deception, but a way to navigate the world’s demands. They let us project the version of ourselves that fits the moment.
Living authentically isn’t about tearing down every facade or pushing deep conversations onto those who aren’t ready for them. It’s about finding the spaces, whether in writing, trusted relationships, or moments of solitude, where you can be unapologetically real.
Wear your masks when you need to, but don’t let them define you. And when you find a moment to let the mask slip, allow your real self to spill over. Those are the moments where life feels richest and connection runs deepest.
The masks we wear can protect us, but they can also isolate us. Trust: In yourself, and in the people who care about you, is the key to breaking free. Start small. Take the risk. Let your true self shine.
The freedom that comes with finally shedding your mask is worth every step of the journey.
Very interesting article!
Now, being autistic, I'm very familiar with the idea of masking (in this case, it's hiding away certain traits that a neuronormative person would find either undesirable or inappropriate given the setting). This I can do for a while, but it is tiring.
In a post of mine I did say something to the lines of "you can assume that the stuff I am typing is the unmasked version of my thoughts". This is largely due to the fact that I have time to think; people aren't interrupting my train of thoughts to the point where I have to rush just to get my two cents in before someone else hops over me, and that for the most part I'm in my room typing these things so I have all my senses regulated.
Trust is the antidote, YES! So many people lack self trust, my self at one point. Having it is like having a solid foundation of confidence and way less worry about what you appear as. Instead you know yourself enough to know the real you behind any mask. I also love how you talk about the mask for each occasion, sometimes it’s necessary to have a mask, or rather, perhaps it’s tuning into a part of you- the wise self, the fun self, the professional self.