Stuck in the Jar: The Epidemic of Low Agency

Learned Helplessness and How to break the Cycle

Facebook, Fleas and False Ceilings

There's an old science experiment I saw recently involving fleas that's both fascinating and unsettling. If you put fleas in a jar and cover it, they'll jump repeatedly, smashing themselves against the lid. After about three days, they'll stop trying to jump higher than the lid, even when the lid is removed.

The fleas have learned there's an invisible ceiling they can't overcome. Worse still, their offspring, seeing their parents never leap higher, adopt this limitation too, inheriting a completely imaginary barrier.

Humans, it turns out, aren't so different from fleas.

Consider Sharon on Facebook, everyone knows a Sharon. When she isn't posting Minion memes she will ask, "Does anyone know what time the supermarket closes tonight?"

I roll my eyes and sigh. Some people type, “Google it, Sharon!” yet other helpful people respond providing the exact closing time and Sharon learns nothing except that she doesn't need to make any effort herself to get what she wants.

The invisible lid on her problem solving skills is reinforced yet again.

Before we brand Sharon as merely "lazy" we must recognise that laziness, much like snow to the Inuit, is nuanced. we might not have 100 different names for the types of laziness, like Inuit’s do for snow but I think we need to recognise that humans aren't just lazy; they're scared, insecure, embarrassed, uncertain, and sometimes genuinely stuck. Learned helplessness thrives precisely because we lump all these states together, rather than identifying and addressing their root causes.

I saved this note from

Shane Copeland

when I was initially writing this post back in November, we had a discussion in the comments and I firmly believe that we do need to look under the hood a little bit more before putting the lazy label on people.

What we call “laziness” often masks a host of deeper issues, procrastination, lack of agency, burnout, or even just plain old exhaustion. Sometimes, it’s not about a person refusing to act; it’s about them not knowing how to act or feeling powerless to start.

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The Roots of Learned Helplessness

Conditioned into Passivity

Learned helplessness is a psychological condition behavioural phenomenon¹ discovered by researchers Martin Seligman and Steven Maier. After repeated negative experiences, individuals believe their actions won't make a difference, leading them to passivity and dependence. But where does this come from in our daily lives?

It turns out that YouTube Shorts can’t be embedded into Substack posts but this short video is well worth watching for an example of learned helplessness.

The child who was never listened to when they spoke up, eventually stops speaking up, everyone wonders why they are so quiet and don't seem to put any effort in.

The children who are never challenged or allowed to fail, develop passivity when everything is done for them.

Children begin to believe they're genuinely incapable of solving even trivial problems themselves and sadly, these children often become adults who approach every issue like fleas in a jar, always waiting for external intervention from whoever goes on to replace the parents and the teachers such as their co-workers and their partners.

Inherited Helplessness

Perhaps the most troubling aspect of learned helplessness is its generational transmission. Children observing parents who habitually avoid confronting their own problems internalise those behaviours. If Mum can’t be bothered or worse, doesn't know how to check supermarket opening times herself, why should they? If Dad can’t fix anything in his life, why try themselves?

This creates cycles of helplessness that grows deeper with each generation, quickly morphing into generational inertia, where entire families live under imaginary lids.

Locus of Control: Steering Your Own Ship

Another factor underpinning learned helplessness is what's known as the locus of control, essentially, the extent to which people believe they have control over the events in their lives. Those with an internal locus of control see themselves as active drivers; they believe their actions directly influence outcomes.

On the flip side, individuals with an external locus of control see life as something happening to them, guided by luck, fate, or other people's whims. If a child constantly sees parents shrugging off responsibility, blaming circumstances, or waiting passively for solutions, they internalise an external locus of control. Eventually, that child grows up feeling powerless, believing their efforts won't make any difference anyway, and voilà: the lid on the jar stays firmly in place.

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Everyday Life in the Jar

The Magical Clothes Fairy

My daughter genuinely believes in fairies. Not Tinkerbell or the tooth fairy but the magical Clothes Fairy. This mystical being emerges from the shadows, silently tidying her clothes off the bedroom floor when she's not present, hanging them neatly in the wardrobe. Similarly, my son views empty cups as ornaments scattered around the house, leaving them wherever he may be when the last drop of liquid is consumed. Do they vanish back into the dishwasher themselves? Nope. But a magic parental force always cleans them up eventually.

We, as parents complain, yet we perpetuate the cycle because the short term annoyance of the mess outweighs the alternative. The kids, they learned a long time ago that if they just do nothing, the task will eventually get done for them. As parents, expending the extra effort to instil responsibility is much more time consuming than just doing the task. The invisible lid gets tighter, the helplessness is reinforced.

The Artful Dodgers

At work, there’s always someone, Daisy, who’s perfected the art of task avoidance. Daisy’s keyboard mysteriously breaks whenever difficult work is assigned and her internet conveniently crashes when deadlines approach. she handwrites notes and then types them out afterwards, taking as long as possible to complete any given task so that she doesn't get given more work.

Ironically, Daisy expends more energy dodging responsibility than actually completing the task and managers and colleagues pick up the slack because "it's quicker to do it ourselves."

To take the time to show Daisy a better way or to be constantly on her case takes more effort than just doing the task and Daisy remains comfortably in her jar, untouched by accountability.

The Broken Printer

I am forever finding that the printer is broken, people will seek me out to tell me that the printer is broken, is this because I am a printer technician? No. It's because when presented with a problem, I will consider all of the angles and attempt to solve the issue rather than ignore it, or pass the buck.

If the printer isn't printing I will look to see if there is paper in the drawer, 99% of the time this solves the problem but for some infuriating reason people just don't have it in them to check. They think that because they are not engineers they're not capable, low agency people just don't look for solutions.

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Society’s Slippery Slope

Society caters to helplessness. Entire industries thrive on people’s refusal or inability to solve their own problems. Quick fix diets replace basic nutritional knowledge; tech support flourishes from users who refuse to reboot their computers. Entire industries have emerged around having items delivered direct to your house, it's not just convenience, its outsourcing everything.

AI is going to change the world, there is no putting that genie back in the bottle. I can see how it can be a force for good in the world, but I also worry how it will affect personal agency when so much could be outsourced to it.

Kids having Chat GPT write their homework, job candidates having online interviews with real time answers to the questions appearing on the screen.

Low agency isn’t just a personal quirk, it's a collective crisis. It breeds inefficiency, frustration, resentment, and ultimately undermines social progress.

Dr. Julie Gurner

wrote this note that stuck with me about complaining. High agency people don’t just complain, they look for solutions.

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Breaking the Jar: Reclaiming Personal Agency

If you're reading this, you're probably not a chronic outsourcer. You're the kind of person who fixes things, who acts when others idily stand by. But you probably know a Sharon, a colleague who needs a nudge or a child who needs to learn the joy of solving their own problems.

Thankfully, the human brain is incredibly adaptive. Neuroscience calls this "plasticity," meaning we're always capable of learning new behaviours and attitudes. Cultivating habits to make us better people. Agency is a skill, it can be learnt and practiced just like playing the guitar.

Here are some actionable steps we can take, as parents, colleagues and individuals, to restore the proactive mindset society desperately needs.

1. Stop Rewarding Helplessness

Next time Sharon asks a rediciulous question, resist providing the easy answer. Instead, kindly direct her towards solving the problem herself. Breaking the cycle begins with interrupting reinforcement. You can do little to stop others simply giving her the answers however.

2. Teach Problem Solving Skills

If you have ever built a Lego set you'll know that their instructions are famously clear. Despite this, when building with my son he's quick to ask for help. Instead of completing the build for him, I walk him through the problem solving steps:

• What part are you stuck on?

• Have you checked your pieces carefully?

• What's another way you could approach it?

Guide gently, but don’t remove the challenge entirely.

3. Encourage Small Acts of Agency

Start small. If your child always leaves cups around, don’t immediately clean them up. Calmly insist they return them to the kitchen themselves. Small, consistent actions reinforce responsibility and capability.

4. Workplace Boundaries

When Daisy asks for help at work, set boundaries:

• Offer to show her how once, encourage her to take notes on the process but make it clear she’s responsible afterwards.

• Reward colleagues who take initiative, creating positive reinforcement for proactivity. It doesn’t have to be a gold watch, praise works just as well.

It won't always be comfortable, but it’s necessary to break cycles of avoidance.

5. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Often, people avoid tasks because they're afraid of failing. Counteract this by celebrating attempts, not just successes. If your child tries to tidy up, even imperfectly, acknowledge the effort. Confidence grows from repeated attempts, not instant perfection.

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Jumping Above the Lid

Humans, unlike fleas, have the unique ability to recognise and challenge invisible barriers. Learned helplessness isn't permanent. We can break free, by interrupting reinforcement, rewarding proactive behaviours, and deliberately teaching problem solving skills. Every small step towards agency doesn't just improve our lives, it reshapes our families, workplaces and society.

So the next time you see a helpless question on Facebook or encounter Lazy Daisy’s excuses, remember that you're not just responding to one person, you're influencing a mindset that can potentially impact future generations. Lift the lid on helplessness one proactive step at a time.

And if you’re thinking someone else will tackle this issue, remember that's precisely how we got stuck in the jar in the first place.

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Thanks to

Tristan Hoh

and

Dom de Lima

for reminding me that I have had a version of this post in my drafts since November 2024 and that it was time to get it finished, or completely rewritten, in the comments of Dom’s latest post which features related themes and lead to a discussion about learned helplessness.

Beyond Permission : Agency & Self-efficacy in Wellbeing

1. Thank you again to

Dom de Lima

for putting me right with my choice of words. Learned Helplessness is not a “condition” in the sense that depression or an eating disorder would be and dropped the ball in labelling it as such.